Thought of the Week

For the week of 18 June 2017

"I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother."

- Rita Rudner

For the week of 11 June 2017

“My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.”

- Rita Rudner

For the week of 4 June 2017

"Any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worthwhile, I think he can respond with a great deal of pride and satisfaction ... I served in the U. S. Navy."

- John F. Kennedy

For the week of 28 May 2017

"Some people spend an entire life time wondering if they made a difference in the world. The U.S. Armed Forces don't have that problem."

-Ronald Reagan

For the week of 14 May 2017

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"

- Milton Berle  

For the week of 7 May 2017

“For every set of horseshoes human beings use for luck, somewhere in this world there’s a barefoot horse.”
-    Allan Sherman

For the week of 30 April 2017

"When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras; I still have flashbacks."
—Stewart Francis

For the week of 23 April 2017 

"The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen all at once."

- Albert Einstein

For the week of 16 April 2017

"The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes."

- Albert Einstein

For the week of 9 April 2017

"I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure if I ever went there, I could get by.”
- Bonnie McFarlane

For the week of 2 April 2017

“I'm a naval officer--- a real naval officer. Not a graduate of the Naval Academy.”

- Steve Bannon

For the week of 26 March 2017

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.  So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake.   I feel better already.”
-    Dave Barry

For the week of 19 March 2017

“We have always found the Irish a bit odd.  They refuse to be English.”
- Winston Churchill

For the week of 12 March 2017

“The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.”
- Mike Birbiglia

For the week of 5 March 2017

“My kitchen floor is sticky, and I had to do something about it. So finally I went out and bought some slippers.”
-    Sarah Silverman

For the week of 26 February 2017

"How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery' ?"

- Jay Leno

For the week of 19 February 2017

"Here's some advice.  At a job interview, tell them you're willing to give 110 percent.  Unless the job is a statistician."

- Adam Gropman

For the week of 12 February 2017

"Why do we need change?  Aren't things bad enough as they are?"

- Lord Salisbury

For the week of 5 February 2017

The 5th was Paul and Diana's 39th Anniversary!  They reminisce ...

PAUL - I think the day we met was the luckiest day of my life!
DIANA - Me too!
PAUL - You think it was your luckiest day, too?
DIANA - No, that it was YOUR luckiest day.

For the week of 29 January 2017

“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together; It was riveting.”

- Stewart Francis

For the week of 22 January 2017

“I always knew it would be a cold day in hell when I became president.”

—William Howard Taft.  When he was inaugurated in 1909, a blizzard hit Washington DC with 10 inches of snow

For the week of 15 January 2017  

"A watched pot never boils, but it does get paranoid."

- Lesley Wake

For the week of 8 January 2017

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." 

—Jeff Valdez

For the week of 4 December 2016

"The future ain't what it used to be." - Yogi Berra 

For the week of 27 November 2016

"One time, a guy handed me a 
picture and said, 'Here’s a picture 
of me when I was younger.' Every picture of you is when you were younger."

- Mitch Hedberg